For those in a hurry… Here’s your “Should I text him?” flowchart: Texting should be flowing, as it is one of the forms of communication and healthy communication should be flowing naturally and unforced. I don’t suggest you believe or follow rules when it comes to interaction in relationships with others. It’s ok to text him first. When it comes to the question “Should I text him first or wait for him to text me?” It’s about doing what you feel like doing – which I assume is texting him. BUT, there are exceptions! Of course, it is your choice at the end of the day – you get to make the decision – but, things might have a healthier turn if you have a moment and consider the ‘wrongs’ and the ‘rights’. You should text him first when you’re feeling like texting him for him, when he’s been reciprocating, and showing interest. Though, you shouldn’t text him first if you’re coming from a place of insecurity and fear, when he’s been uninterested, and when he hasn’t been responsive for a while. So, “Should I text him or wait for him to text me?” Let’s clear this up!
Who’s your “HIM”?
So, before you make your decision on texting him first, it is good to understand and consider a few things. Let’s see what they are, shall we? Is he your ex? Texting your ex after breaking up is not usually a very good idea unless both of you are in friendly manners and healed because it’s been a while since the break-up. You don’t want to text him first: not because you want to disrespect, or to satisfy your ego because you “tell him what it’s like to be without you”, on the contrary, you want to give time to both of you to heal, and respect each other’s time. If you’re not planning to get back with him, or if you’re not in a good friendly manner with one another, then texting him might not be the best idea. Your boyfriend? If he’s your boyfriend, text him first if things are reciprocated. Don’t pay too much attention to who texted first and who texted last. Text him when you feel like texting, drop the “I’m the prize” mindset. It is a relationship, it’s about giving, receiving, dropping the ego, dropping the “I’m the important one” Or the games you’re told to play, the ones that will wear off eventually the more real the relationship starts becoming. Your friend? Text him, queen! Why wouldn’t you?! Is it someone you like? I talked about dropping mindsets that stop you from having a good time and doing things you like. In this case, drop the “I am the prize and I should be chased” (that you probably read on Reddit or seen on Tik Tok/Youtube) and simply text him. Perhaps you just met him or you’ve just got his number/social media, again, drop the “I’m the prize” and text him. If you feel like wanting to know this person more or are curious, text him.
You shouldn’t text him first… When it’s not the best time to text him first
If it is coming from a place of fear, insecurities, negative emotions, negative thoughts about yourself then don’t text him first. Here’s exactly when you shouldn’t be texting him first:
1. After a break-up
After a break-up both of you need your own time to heal, to grow from the experience you just had with one another. Hence, it’s not a very good idea to text him after a break-up. Try to respect the time it takes for you and him to move on.
2. If you always text him first
Always texting him first would mean you’re the one always initiating texts and contact with him. If you’re the one to always message him first then you should stop. There’s nothing wrong with initiating contact, it isn’t bad, but if he doesn’t engage/reciprocate the energy you’re giving (which I assume is positive), then it might just not be the best idea to keep doing what you’re doing. You’d want to wait a little and see if he shows interest through texting you first this time, see if he asks questions that indicate someone genuinely cares about you.
3. If he left you on read
Especially if it is a question that he could answer but left you on read instead, then you shouldn’t text him. To send a text takes a) a few seconds, and b) desire to text the person. In this case, you’d want to wait a little, give him some time while you mind your business, and do what you did before meeting him.
4. If he ignores you after hanging out
There are reasons why men ignore you after hanging out, whatever they are, it matters that he isn’t communicating them clearly with you – it is not a healthy sign. Do not text him if he ignores you after hanging out, especially if you already tried reaching out to him. You have a life, you have better things to do. He’s ignoring you for whatever reason he has, and he isn’t communicating it to you. Move on.
5. If you haven’t heard from him in a week or more
The big question: “Should I text him if I haven’t heard from him in a week?” The big answer: No. I’ll explain why… I mentioned how easy it is for someone to send a text, and what it takes to send a text. Generally speaking, men that ‘disappear’ for a week or more are not usually interested or are in doubt/confused about what they want. Don not text him first if he hasn’t been responding for days, weeks, or more. His lack of response it’s enough response for you to reflect on.
6. If your reasons aren’t genuine
Are you texting him because you really want to? Or because you’re in need of an ego boost? Whatever your reasons are, if they’re not genuine then don’t text him. Take some time to think of why you’re wanting to text him, if it turns out to be something ingenuine then breathe it out. Think of what you can do to help yourself find healthy ways to get whatever you’re looking to get from the guy(or even if those things you’re looking for are even worth ‘getting’).
7. If you’re looking for validation
You shouldn’t text him if validation is what you’re looking for. It is okay that you feel the need of getting validation, it is human and sometimes we can’t help it, however, the way you choose to fulfill that need is very important. Texting him to fulfill your need for validation can make you look desperate or needy. Clear your intentions, have a moment.
8. If you feel that he won’t text you either if you don’t text him
Do you want to text him because you feel like if you don’t he won’t either? Don’t text him. The reason? I’ll show you through a story…
9. After a fight that made you feel horrible
Should I text him first after a fight that made me feel horrible? Short answer, no. Wait for him to text you.
The texting was flowing naturally as usual, until it didn’t. The texting started fading, and so I’d text him from time to time because I had the feeling that if I didn’t text him, he wouldn’t do it either. And sometimes I didn’t have the feeling, I just knew. Now that it’s been a while, I realize that I could’ve picked up on some signs, and know that if he’d be that much interested he’d text too. I wouldn’t have that worry, I would’ve been sure that it would be okay even if I didn’t text him first. You know, connection and stuff.” -Adrienne Long answer, when you’re involved with someone emotionally a fight will negatively affect both of you. However, there are times when one hurts the other more through words or actions. In this case, you’ll need your time to think things through since you’re overwhelmed by emotions and might say something you’d regret later. If he texts to make sure you’re okay, or even better, apologize, then it would be up to you whether you want to reply or not.
10. If you’re on a break
You shouldn’t text him if you’re on a break. You took a break to have space from each other and clear up your thoughts on the relationship. Use that space to reflect, and once you feel ready to communicate your conclusion that came from this space and distance. For now, wait and see. Wait as in let it go, give it time, not wait as in waiting anxiously for the phone to ring and see a message from him.
11. If he’s not reciprocating
This is usually a sign of uninterest. Perhaps you texted him first once or twice, and you can just feel he’s not interested through text, then simply let go. And then you think: Should I text him first again? I strongly believe that love should be built on: “I don’t care how much I get, I’m giving as much as I can!” But, in this case, there’s no point in trying if someone isn’t interested. Give it time, don’t text him.
12. If you’re drunk
No, it is not a good idea to text him, even though I know how tempting it is. You’re having fun (or not), feeling a little reckless and saying: “Hell, if I’d die tomorrow?” and everything just makes sense at that time, until you wake up the next morning noticing that in fact you did not die but sent something “wrong-ish” to him. It is fun, or at least a fun story to tell when you’re old (if you don’t die tomorrow like you thought last night), but in general, it is not suggested. How to ask a guy out over text
Should I text him first? – Yes, here’s why & when you should text him first
You are free, independent, confident: you’ve got what it takes to text someone first. Now let’s see the why & the when to it!!
1. Text him first when you genuinely feel like texting him – clean energy
No mind games, pure energy. If you feel like texting him for him, and you genuinely want to know how he’s doing then go for it! Social constructs are part of the reason why a big part of the modern dating world is kind of messed up. I’m talking about the “A guy should text first”, or “A woman should be chased – she’s the price!” We followed them for years without even questioning them. They are messed up. Teeext hiiiim!
2. After a fight
After calming down, and knowing that you’re thinking clearly, you’re not overwhelmed by emotions and feelings caused by the fight… Text him if you feel like texting him – There’s no reason not to do so. If he loves you(or at least cares about you), you’d hurt him if you said something in the heat of the moment. And if you love him too(or at least care about him), hurting him would hurt you too. Whether you want to apologize, or just break the ice, or let him know of something he said that hurt you. Do it, do it with a calm approach to the situation.
3. After a date – After meeting
Of course it’s okay to text him first after a date, whether that’s after the first date, or just after meeting him some time. As long as you genuinely feel like texting him because you enjoy the conversation with him, or have other genuine reasons, there’s nothing wrong with texting him first! Go you! Reminder: If you don’t want to see him again after the first date, text him the next day and tell him “thank you”.
4. In the morning
Yes, send him a good morning text! Most humans enjoy receiving a good morning text, or at least something positive to start their day off. Considering that men are human too, he’d enjoy a good morning text as well.
5. After your first phone call
Of course you can text him after your first phone call with him. I know the feeling you get both after a good first phone call and after a horrible first phone call. It is good to feel free to communicate what’s going on in your head about him. Do let him know you enjoyed the conversation, but also do let him know if you don’t see you two being suitable for one another to have something together.
6. After a few days
Should I text him first if he hasn’t texted me?Yes.Even after a few days?Yes.
But only if he’s reciprocating. If he’s not interested then there’s no point in texting him. If it’s been a few days since he hasn’t texted you, think of why are you thinking of texting him, and if your answer is “because I care about him, and I want to know how he’s doing”, or “because I’m curious to know what he’s up to lately”, just text him for god’s sake!
How long should I wait before texting him first?
– Don’t wait, text him. If he’s been texting you, reciprocating, if you’ve been enjoying his through-text presence then don’t wait. Text him. You can send him a good morning/afternoon text, a song that reminded you of him, a meme, anything you feel like texting. – A week, or more. If he hasn’t been responding for a while, then take your time. Take a week from it. Use that week to clear up your mind and see if texting him would actually be a worthy decision. – A month, or more. If you’re practicing No Contact, then make sure you do it correctly. If you set your mind for No Contact for a month or more, then wait for that period to go by before you text him first. Make sure your ‘waiting’ period isn’t actually marking the days on the calendar. Live on, do other things in the meantime. Don’t let your time and energy depend on it.
Things to consider before, when, and after texting him first
– Don’t go crazy if he doesn’t reply right away. Give him space and don’t jump to conclusions. – Don’t tell yourself this is the last time you’re the one texting him first. For whatever reason you might do that, just don’t. I find it truly beautiful to feel free to communicate with someone whatever you feel like communicating with them. If he doesn’t care to reciprocate, then leave it there. – If he doesn’t reply at all. Don’t panic, and don’t text him ‘once more’. If he wants or feels like replying or texting, he will. Resist texting him by moving on, you’ve got greater things to do with your life than waiting for an answer from him. – How much is too much? Too much would be texting him 4 times, 1-2 of which to ask him if he’s got the messages. It is good to reach out first, but not overdo with the insistence. Text him what you have to, and give him room and time to respond to your messages. The “too much” is relative, however, when it comes to texting and communicating we do have some general things that a lot of us consider as ‘too much’. If you feel like he’s not interested, then let go. I know it’s not as easy as I’m putting it here, but it is pretty much the healthiest way to do it. – Are you the one always texting first? Well, in this case, it’d be good to back off a little and see if he texts you. Not because you want an ego boost, not because “he has to chase you”, but so that you know if the interest is on both sides. If you’re the one always texting first, then give him room so he can text you first too. Pay attention to his ways of responding to your texts and ask yourself: Is he interested? – Finding balance is important. Consider finding a balance, and know that the answer to “Who should text first in a relationship?”, or “Should you initiate texting a guy?” is: Whoever feels like texting can text as long as it is genuine. Texting is a form of communication, and it flows naturally. That’s it – that’s the answer. – Are your intentions genuine? Looking for validation, or do you really care how he’s doing? It is super simple: If you’re not thinking of texting him for validation, and you really do care about, say, the purpose you’re texting him, then do it: text him first! – Give him room to respond. Like asking a question, or whatever comes naturally that would start a conversation. Whatever your reasons are, it is nice to give him room and space to respond to what you texted him. – Should I text him or let it go? You should text him if the interest is on both sides, and let go if he told you he’s not interested, or you can see that he’s not interested in the way he’s texting you. If you feel like he’s interested too, and you enjoy the conversations with him, then what are you even waiting for? – How to text him without sounding needy? – About sounding needy… First of all, you have to understand that you’re not being needy or asking too much if you’re sending him a text first. However, some ways of texting can give off that vibe: that you’re needy even if you’re not. Let’s say you text him once today, and he’s busy or something, and after a few hours, you text him again asking why he didn’t reply or anything similar to that, then even if you’re not, such a way of texting will make you sound needy. Text him what you have to text him, and give him space. You’ve got other things to do besides staring at the phone waiting for his texts, right?
Is he waiting for me to text him first?
Usually, when a man texts you every day it is a sign of interest and care towards you. He probably is waiting for you to text him first if he likes you but he’s too shy to make a move, if he replies right away when you text him, or if he tells you straight up that he’s not good at texting. If you know and feel that his reasons for waiting for you to text him first, are genuine and not coming from a toxic place, then I see no reason not to text him.
- Who should text first? Hell, whoever feels like texting! The communication between you should be more focused on if it is genuine, sincere, clear, and honest, not who texts first and how many times that happens.
- Do guys get annoyed if you text him first? No, as a matter of fact, a lot of guys LOVE IT when a woman texts them first; They take it as a sign of confidence, and we’ve known that confidence is something men look for in a woman. However, they do get annoyed if you text them constantly without waiting for an answer from them.
- How often should you text a guy to keep him interested? There’s no such thing as “to keep him interested”. Being interested in someone takes sympathy and energy between the two, and these are things that flow naturally, you cannot force them. There’s no ‘magic trick’ that will make/keep him interested.
- Should the guy always text first? No, the guy shouldn’t always text first, unless he feels like it. If you really think about it, why would the guy be always the one texting first? The social constructs on who should text first, of course.
- Should I text him after “No Contact”? If the reason you started No Contact is to benefit you both, to help you move on from the relationship, then consider the reasons you’re wanting to text him. You don’t have to necessarily text him after your No Contact period is over if you don’t feel like texting him and clearing up what you left unsolved. You shouldn’t text him if No Contact didn’t give you a lesson; if your thoughts on the relationship aren’t clear yet. Take some time, and don’t text him unless your urge to text him after No Contact is strongly backed up by reason. Sincerely, Callisto
